Good Morning DeGens!
This is the fourth episode of my new series “How to Stop Being Weird”.
A COMPLETLY FREE series aiming at helping those who lack the basic social skills to make it in a world that gets more social by the day and punishes harder the ones who don’t get it.
I highly recommend reading the introduction to the substack to know where I came from and where we’re going. (LINK)
I hate small talk. I almost never talk with people 1 on 1 without a purpose. Not even my best friends. The thing is, how I was supposed to meet new people just approaching them and “getting straight to the point”? What even was “the point” anyways?
Every time I interacted with a person there was this awkward silence because I didn’t know what to say. Everything seemed so meaningless, and it kinda is. But people like that you know. How I was expecting people to like a husk that doesn’t talk? Just with my “grandiose knowledge of vidya and politics”?
I had to do it anyway, and so do you.
If you’ve been following my advice you should be quite comfortable with approaching people by now. You also have a basic understanding of hierarchies from the observations you did on groups of people.
We’re not getting into much theory this episode. You already have the basic tools to get into normie level.
Today we will focus on your next exercise:
Every time you go to a grocery store, a bar, a restaurant and take a taxi/Uber/whatever, you will try to have some small talk with the cashier, the barman, the waiter, and the driver.
What constitutes small talk?
Every conversation without any other purpose than just talking. It’s the simplest form of “conversation” there is. It’s also the next step after asking for time. Now you’re actually engaging in a drawn-out interaction instead of looking for an answer and leaving. You are expecting some back and forth.
You are now comfortable with initiating conversations. Now you’re looking to get comfortable keeping them going.
Why did I choose that specific kind of people to talk to?
Because if you have social anxiety the thought of having to talk to someone and that person being an asshole is gonna be there. Those people are obligated by contract to not be an asshole to you. So unless you outright disrespect them you should be able to do small talk with them with no consequences. You’re also doing them a favor. Most of them didn’t have any interaction besides saying “it cost this much, have a nice day”. You can even become friends with them and have some networking going on!
Okay, what are you going to talk about with them?
-The weather
-Their work shift
-The sun
-How their day is going
-Whatever
Just take this rule into account: You should NEVER make any commentary that is bound to an opinion. Politics, sports, religion, music, anything that could put that person on the defensive. You’re not ready yet to talk about those stuff with people that you don’t know.
You will practice this, I don’t know, for the rest of your life?
Well maybe not to that extreme, but you get the idea. Every time you can do it flawlessly you just up the complexity of the conversation or start talking to people that will actually answer with what they think and not with what is going to not get them fired.
What’s the purpose of learning small talk?
-You get comfortable interacting with people.
-You improve your story-telling, the second most powerful weapon for socialization.
-If you mix this with last week’s exercise, you will also learn Empathy, your most powerful weapon for socialization (more on this on a future episode).
Let’s make a recap of everything you need to do so far:
-Ask for time, learn how to approach, and initiate interactions.
-Look at people, learn the dynamics of hierarchies, roles, and socialization.
-Practice small talk, learn how to keep a conversation going.
This is it for this week. Leave a comment on the insight you gained observing people. This may help people that didn’t do it get a basic idea of what to look for when doing the exercise.
This will be a weekly series. However, I recommend not jumping to the next episode until you think you’re ready. If you skip steps you are NGMI. You cannot be a dating expert if you are scared of asking a random for the time.
I wish you the best of luck on this journey and I’ll see you again next week!